It’s rumoured that Albert Einstein once remarked that chastity is the abiding secret to lasting marital bliss. Sure, we started that particular rumour, but had he said that, it wouldn’t be so surprising – geniuses after all are known for saying clever things. And of course it’s true: chastity is an extremely important part of the secret to lasting marital happiness.

Chastity is about one thing: finding, creating and living real love and intimacy in the context of sexuality. It means developing relationships according to love and friendship, protecting them from disintegrating into self-centredness and selfishness. It means keeping relationships alive, authentic, healthy and happy, and in tune with what people really need and want. Chastity is a “yes” to real love and friendship, “yes” to the beauty and preciousness of sexuality and the erotic, and “yes” to strong and intimate relationships – and that means “no” to anything which harms or destroys any of these.

And chastity is just as important inside marriage as it is outside, though it’s lived in different ways.

For single people, living sexuality inside a “yes” to real love and friendship will, for example, entail holding back – abstaining – from sexual intercourse and other forms of sexually intimate behaviour, because without the context of committed and intimate married love, such actions can do a lot of harm. (And hurting people clearly isn’t very loving.)

For married couples on the other hand, a “yes” to real love and friendship will entail creating and living beautiful, healthy, active and enjoyable sexual intimacy and erotic interaction. Chastity makes protecting, increasing and deepening the sexual intimacy of married love a number one priority. Sometimes, if and when appropriate, it will also mean holding back from certain forms of sexual activity – but always and only out of a desire and determination to build up the relationship and do what is best for your spouse. (Sometimes not doing something you want to do – e.g. have sex – because of something else you want to do more – e.g. care for your husband/wife who is sick or tired – is how love is expressed and enjoyed.)

So next time you think about marital bliss (or Albert Einstein), think chastity.

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